The problem with leopard-print furniture is that it makes it hard to tell when you're being stalked by a dangerous cat...

There could be a pussy riot going on behind you, and you'd never know. Fortunately Amelie's easier to spot, as she's dressed as Axl Rose.

Anyhoo, following our afternoon in the paradise city with that sweet child o' mine, I said to Lisa on Saturday night that I was really looking forward to an extra hour's sleep when the clocks go back. She just laughed in my face. And she was right to. I'd forgotten that we have two members of the family with no consideration for time and no time for consideration. As Lisa wrote on Facebook, "Love the clocks going back. You get to spend an extra precious hour with your children". That hour came at 6am. And the word 'precious' described how little sleep we'd had.

Personally, however, my main problem was that I came down with a cross between swine flu, SARS and the plague overnight, and by first thing yesterday morning I was on the verge of a lingering death. I was even off my food, which is a sure sign it's serious. I spent the day feeling sorry for myself (mainly because no one else would), with a bad headache, persistent nausea and a painful sense of my own demise.

But as luck (mostly bad luck) would have it, I made a miraculous recovery just in time for work this morning. Which was quite annoying. I put it down to some TLC from Lisa, and a rousing song from Amelie...


I realised I can't afford to die until I get her on Britain's Got Talent.