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Saturday, December 28, 2013

You don't have to be mad to spend Christmas here...


No, actually I take that back. I'm not sure the sane would make it past the box of frogs in the hallway. The only time anyone seems well-balanced is when they're performing the one-legged section of Big Sis's Christmas dance routine.

Anyhoo, my family and I have been at my parents' house since Boxing Day, and if this were a Premier Inn, we'd have received a full refund. I'm not saying we haven't slept, but I would do if I had the energy. Unfortunately I can't blame the proprietors of this establishment, as the source of my sleep deprivation is my partying son, who's currently living it large during the daylight hours, and refusing to settle at night. Frankly the only thing he'll settle for is a plate of mince pies and sausage roll in each hand.

Amelie has attempted to send him to sleep with some soothing music...


But not even the lilting melodies of the Strangled Hamster Symphony were enough to do the trick. Although we did succeed in channelling the spirit of Sooty's friend, Sweep.

So Lisa and I are currently making our own zombie movie and texting my cousin Randy for advice. But in the midst of all that, we're also having a lot of post-Christmas, family-friendly fun. No, really...


That's me committing murder on the dance floor, and inviting people to come and have a go if they think they're hard enough. It was a pose which soon spread to other members of my family...


That's Big Sis being doubly festive. Not only is she wearing a statement jumper, but she's dressed as a principal boy from the waist down. Two minutes later she was slapping those thighs and asking the audience where the Christmas tree is.

As for gifts, my favourite present was a copy of 'Brass for Christmas' on CD, which was chosen for me by my niece, presumably because she heard me complaining that if my man-boobs get any bigger, I'll need bras for Christmas. Fortunately I was able to return that aurally offensive favour by giving my brother an Otamatone, thereby ensuring that he can take the sound of dying rodents with him wherever he goes.

My sister-in-law, meanwhile, was thrilled with her gift of a butterfly in a jar...


It's a fine line between enchanted and disturbed, and to be honest, she crossed it, but the fact that she hated the thing with every fibre of her being, doesn't necessarily make it a bad choice of gift. It was worth it for that photo alone.

As for Amelie, she was busy wiping the floor (in a very literal sense) with a range of opposition in the Gardner Christmas Air Hockey Tournament...


That's her coach in the background, operating a sweeper system in defence. Fortunately it wasn't needed. Despite the tissue-related sledging techniques employed by Big Sis's boyfriend, Amelie retained enough focus to see off the opposition, who reacted in a slightly over-the-top manner by leaving the country first thing this morning. Some people are just bad losers.

2 comments:

Z said...

Hang on, though, hasn't your sister got fantastic legs? I'm so envious. Not that you'll ever have noticed, that'd be weird.

Phil said...

I hadn't, but I'll pass on the compliment. That's my Dad sitting next to her, so you can judge whether she got them from him.