The Brighton Argus still haven't printed my poem, but they did see fit to publish this effort from Debbie Jordan of Loder Road in yesterday's issue. It's entitled simply 'My Mum'...

M is for making the best out of me,
O is for the others you'll always see,
T is for the troubles we both had to share,
H is for the home with you always there,
E is for ever that I'll tell everyone,
R is the reason that I love you Mum.

I still don't understand that second line. But at least Mrs Jordan can sleep easy in her bed now she knows that the reason Deb loves her is... um... "R".

Anyhoo, the big news of the day is that Lisa's lasagne was actually very nice. Although having eaten three quarters of it, I'm a little suspicious that Lisa may be one of those 'feeders' that Channel 5 make documentaries about. I'll be fifty stone before the end of the year, and she'll be making videos of me for so-called 'niche markets'.

This morning featured a second trip to the dentist. I think Lisa's keen to get her teeth sorted out before we head for America next month, so she can blend in with the locals and not look too much like a British tourist. Being a supportive partner, I suggested trying to calm her nerves by hiring a tranquiliser gun and taking her out from thirty feet, but sadly she declined the offer. So I just drove her to Hove whilst making sympathetic and calming noises... and complaining about cyclists getting in my way.

The major reconstructive surgery is all done now anyway. I noticed they also do Botox there, which is handy, coz visiting the dentist does seem to give Lisa more worry lines on her forehead. I'll be suggesting that for next time.

I managed to deliver the drugged up, anaesthetised Lisa to work at 10:30am, where she's now working dilligently... for an hour and a half, before I meet her down the pub at twelve. It's all go around here...