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Thursday, February 17, 2005

On Saturday 8th June 1991, I was in Essex revising for my A-level Chaucer exam. On the other side of the Atlantic, Richard Laymon was in New York writing "Vampires suck!" on a first edition horror novel. Fourteen years later those two events have finally become connected...

Vampires suck. So do vacuum cleaners.

I knew it was a mistake to join Ebay.

But on the plus side, I'm sure my A-level English teachers would be thrilled to know that the moment my exams were over, I put down the Shakespeare and Chaucer, and started reading trashy horror novels. I'd choose Richard Laymon over a signed copy of The Canterbury Tales any day.

Coincidentally, Monday was the fourth anniversary of his death. Which is very sad. He saved my life in 1995.

Anyhoo, we're now well into February; March is only a week and a half away, and spring is just around the corner. So with that very much in mind, I drank half a bottle of Marks & Spencer 'Christmas Mulled Wine' last night. I was celebrating the purchase of a very nice pair of shoes for £3.99 from the Ipswich branch of Oxfam yesterday afternoon, as part of my bid to become the Imelda Marcos of the charity shop world.

They're actually in remarkably good condition. Which means their owner probably died. Possibly whilst wearing them. But I didn't let that put me off.

The wine then went to my head, and I found myself writing an article for The Daily Mail at 11:30pm last night. Sometimes even I don't understand my life.