Well I think the Valentine's squeeziness was a success. One of Lisa's friends summed up the emotionally moving experience of seeing her photo on the internet with these immortal words...

"It made me choke on my packet of Quavers."

... which is the kind of review you dream of. And she's right - it does bring a lump to your throat.

But of course most of the people who now think I'm Mr Wonderful, haven't seen the card I sent...



Incidentally, talking of choking hazards, what the heck is going on with that 'Extreme Celebrity Detox' on Channel 4?? I'm all in favour of poisoning celebrities, but since when has it been a good idea to drink three litres of warm salt water in the Himalayas, and then stick two fingers down your throat and vomit it all up?

I struggled to follow the logic there: if you do it with food it's dangerous bulimia, if you do it with salt water it's fabulous detox. And doesn't salt give you high blood pressure? Oh well, I'm sure they know what they're doing. And if I was stuck up a mountain with Lisa I'Anson, I'd be throwing up too.