I want a Sugar Glider.

No, really, I do.


________________This is a Sugar Glider...










... and so are these.









But on top of being incredibly cute, they can also do this...


... which is slightly scary. But apparently they're the must-have pet of 2005, and I've therefore decided I must have one.


According to Sugar Gliders: The Ultimate Guide, they can glide the length of a football pitch in a single bound. So the distance from my living room to the kitchen wouldn't be a problem. And as long as they fly at a height of more than three feet, they should be safe from my cat. Apparently you can even train them to glide to you when they're called, so I could walk out of my flat, call to my two little sugar gliders, Tate & Lyle, and they'd come soaring out of the first floor window and follow me down the road. As opposed to just sitting there growing hairier, which is essentially what my current pet does.

And what's more... there's a breeder in Suffolk!!! Well, I say breeder... it's more of an inbreeder really. Their sugar gliders are called Alfie & Moon, which frankly should be illegal, and suggests they may be mentally subnormal, but on top of that, their website seems to imply that they're planning on breeding Moon with her own son, Charlie. It may not be as big a crime as naming your pets after Shane Richie, but it still doesn't seem right.

But beggars can't be choosers, and there are only four months til Christmas, so start saving - I want an inbred sugar glider.