I'm always keen to try new things (and I'm not talking about the chocolate puddings), so yesterday I decided to follow in the footsteps of that annoying bloke on the (colour wonderful) Clairol advert and become a celebrity colourist for the day. Which basically involved stripping down to my underwear, putting on plastic gloves, and making Lisa dress in a bin liner. Trust me, it sounds more exciting than it was.

The colour we were aiming for was 'dark brown'. I'm not saying we didn't achieve it, but the first reaction of Lisa's mother when we picked her up from her sister's in the evening was to say that Lisa looked like Cleopatra. Which was an outrageous slur, and far more offensive than my earlier comment that she looked like Mystic Meg.

Fortunately, having been informed that it's actually dark brown, Lisa's Mum reconsidered her initial opinion, and instead declared "It's as black as the ace of spades". Which was far more reasonable.

Personally though, I thought it was a job well done, and I'm sure I didn't leave that many patches of light brown at the back. And besides, you don't tend to notice the light patches - the eye is far more drawn to the black stains on Lisa's neck.

I've been asked to do it again in a couple of months time anyway, which I feel is more to do with the professional job I did, rather than the fact that Lisa's sister is pregnant and doesn't want to poison her baby with hair dye. In the meantime I'm hoping to persuade Lisa to be a bit more adventurous next time. We've already got the colour down to a tee, so forget Mystic Meg - we're just a simple home perm kit away from Big Brother's Makosi.