Q. What's the capital of Iceland?
Yes, the calibre of quiz contestants on the Southern FM breakfast show isn't getting any better. Although personally I still prefer the one a few months ago who thought that spiders have six legs.
Anyhoo, Lisa and I spent yesterday evening over at Lorraine's, and I'm pleased to report that Timmy is now the size of a space hopper. If you enter the word 'Timmy' into the little search box at the top left of this screen, and scroll down through the many faces of evil, you'll see that Timmy used to be a tubby, yet active, cat, capable of jumping onto shelves, mantelpieces and kitchen worktops, and into washing machines, saucepans and bins. Well it's almost two years since we last cat-sat, and his steady diet of books, bagels and toilet rolls seems to have had an effect. He's like a beach ball with fur.
So five minutes after arrival, I turned to Lorraine (who, being seven months pregnant, bears a startling similarity to her cat) and said "I see Timmy hasn't lost any weight!", whilst laughing and playfully prodding his tummy.
As it turns out, I put my foot in it (and I don't mean Timmy's tummy). Lorraine assures me that Timmy has lost weight, and is on such a starvation diet that he barely gets fed at all. Which must be why he started eating the chicken curry out of the saucepan while we were at the dinner table.
Anyhoo, we had an enjoyable evening. Lorraine gave me plenty of tips for my upcoming job interview (the main one being not to dance into the room and start singing), and we inspected all her baby supplies. Sadly the batteries were flat on her musical poodles, but we did get to examine all the baby clothes she bought in the Next sale. I hope her unborn child appreciates her getting up at 4am on Boxing Day to queue for a set of designer dresses, but unfortunately Lorraine doesn't know the sex of her baby, so if it's a boy he might not be that grateful.
The biggest eye-opener however, was the price of pushchairs. I won't tell you how much Lorraine and her fiancé have spent on a buggy, but suffice it to say it's worth more than my car. I always thought I had enough loose change squirrelled away for Lisa and I to have a baby, but having heard about the cost of cots, car seats and carriers, I don't think we could afford much more than a guinea pig.