Roswell, New Mexico (23 June 2007)

After leaving the mountains and beavers of Colorado, I set off on the long drive to Roswell, New Mexico in search of aliens. As I drove through miles and miles of nothingness at midnight I felt sure I’d stumble across something that vaguely resembled E.T.. Unfortunately however, the nothingness remained just that, and it gradually became apparent that it's only dangerous animals, and not aliens, who are attracted to me.

The next morning I set off bright and early (well, about midday) to go visit the UFO Museum of Roswell. As I walked along the street, it soon became obvious that the Roswell council have done their best to ensure that all visitors receive alien sightings. From the lamp-posts to the trash cans and the sidewalks, aliens were everywhere.

As for the museum itself, well, I can safely say I have never seen anything so tacky in my entire life. Bearing in mind that I've been to the Wizard of Oz Museum in Kansas, and seen The Nolans in concert three times, the UFO Museum is doing pretty well on the tackiness stakes. Plus it was filled with... umm... how can I put it, well, rather a lot of odd looking people who looked like they had not seen much daylight in their life and for whom visiting the museum was probably both a weekly event and a highlight.

There were masses of exhibits showing photos of fencing and 'Keep Out' signs which the museum used as evidence to claim that the US government must be hiding aliens in Area 51. Obviously alien inhabitation is a natural assumption if there's that amount of security around a military area.

But I did find an alien area named after me, which was vaguely exciting...


Anyway, I got out of there as quickly as possible after a speedy visit to the museum shop which made the Wizard of Oz equivalent look like Harrods in comparison. But I did manage to purchase an alien plectrum for my brother. Seeing his delight in receiving this gift made what would have been a wasted trip worthwhile. After all, if he lived nearby he probably would have been one of those odd looking people who spent every Saturday hanging out in the UFO Museum of Roswell.