Q. What do you get if you cross a declining Australian singer with a Brighton pub?

A. Bankruptcy.

I've just bought two tickets to see former Savage Gardener Darren Hayes perform at the Brighton Barfly, a local venue which used to be called The Gloucester pub until they realised they could charge more if they changed its name. The gig's on February 15th, so seeing as I love Lisa truly, madly, deeply and she in turn loves Darren, despite him divorcing his wife and deciding he's gay, I thought a couple of tickets might make the perfect Valentine's Day gift. Especially as the average ticket price at the Barfly is only about five or six quid.

Anyhoo, I'm not indiscreet enough to mention exactly how much they ended up charging me to see an Aussie has-been propping up the bar in a pub for an hour, but if you look up the word 'extortionate' in the dictionary, it actually mentions this gig.