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Monday, February 11, 2008

I've been to the Sussex Eye Hospital this morning. I wanted to show a bit of support for anyone who's recently been through an ocular op. Not that he can see well enough to read this.

But as visionaries with plenty of foresight, the all-seeing eyes at the hospital have seen fit to site the HR Department on the top floor of the Eye Hospital. Presumably because it has the best view. And as luck would have it they wanted to see me this morning to verify that I'm not an illegal immigrant. Or a criminal.

So keen to set a new record for the shortest journey ever to require a passport, I made my way about fifty yards along the road with three forms of ID and a form from the Criminal Records Bureau. I was a bit surprised that the sign saying 'Sussex Eye Hospital' wasn't in slightly bigger print, but I found the place without any trouble. It's quite an old building, which must be why all the signs inside say 'Personnel'.

I had to show my passport, driving licence and TV licence (presumably so I can watch Trisha in my coffee break), which unfortunately caused a slight problem.

Here's the photo on my driving licence...

I bought that shirt in a charity shop.
No problems so far. Unfortunately the photo on my passport looks like this...

I'm just retaining water.
It was my own fault for letting someone inflate me with a bicycle pump two minutes before entering the Photo-Me booth.

So the nice lady examined my driving licence, said "Fine", looked at my TV licence, said "OK", then opened up my passport, did a double-take, and asked why I'd brought a photo of a gorilla to Human Resources.

Well ok, she didn't. But I could tell she wanted to. She did seem to stare at it for a long time, before eyeing me up and down suspiciously, but I took that as a compliment. She clearly couldn't believe that the dashingly handsome figure in front of her had ever resembled King Kong. Either that or she was wondering how I'd ever been let out of the country looking like that.

Anyway, I pointed out that my hair hasn't changed a bit, and she seemed to accept that it was probably me, before scanning my passport to send to the CRB. Or possibly to e-mail to all her friends. Either way, it's full steam ahead for the new job.