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Sunday, December 21, 2008

It's the shortest day of the year today, so I barely have time to write anything, but the good news is I've received the latest developments in the strange case of Lisa's brother-in-law. This time last week I was taking part in the arms race by driving him to hospital with a fractured humerus, but a lot can change in seven days. Having been back for further x-rays on Friday, it turns out that his arm isn't just mildly broken, it's completely shattered. Much like me at the end of the week.

So having already suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune (particularly the slings), he's now been told he needs to have an operation to insert a plate in the top of his arm. I don't know if it's a dinner plate or a side plate, but either way it should make it easier to serve up those chips on his shoulder.

(It's jokes like that which have made me such a hit in Wales).

But in other news, I mentioned last Saturday that we'd been given the finest singing cat that money can buy. Well the trouble with cats is that they breed like rabbits...

Amelie's First Pets
So I've now got a dog and duck as well. And I only went out for a chicken. I had to push them around Asda in the seat of the trolley. I felt like some kind of mental patient.

But if you think I need help, you'd be right. Having conducted the animal chorus for a good few hours, until the only person still enjoying it was Amelie, I've worked out that the duck sings 'Old McDonald Had a Farm', 'London Bridge is Falling Down' and 'Frère Jacques'.

But the cat and dog remain a mystery. The dog sings 'How Much is that Doggy in the Window', and the cat definitely breaks off into 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' at one point, but the rest is indecipherable. After a week of music therapy, during which we've forced that cat to sing to anyone who's ventured within three feet of the front door, we've finally admitted defeat. There's a prize for anyone who can put us out of our misery and name these tunes...

There's no prize for guessing the noise in the background. That's Lisa with the electric breast pump.