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Friday, May 07, 2010

So as it turned out, the Lib Dems didn't have a Clegg to stand on after all. I can't believe it. It just goes to show that you can't trust those upwardly mobile worms. I'm talking about the debate indicators there, not Tory voters.

Brighton Pavilion may have been the first constituency ever to elect a Green MP (apart from Mars South), but sadly I live in the neighbouring ward of Brighton Kemptown. Which means I've woken up to the news that I'm now represented by this man...

Si of Relief for the ToriesI think that's what you call a hairy situation. I've no idea where you go to get your hair done like that, but I hope they don't charge.

Anyhoo, that's Simon Kirby of the Conservatives, who has overthrown the Labour Party in Kemptown to become my new MP. I'm thrilled. Sorry, I mean chilled. To the bone. Frankly I'd rather have David Van Day. I'm sure Simon's a lovely man, but if we're going to elect a Tory, I'd rather have one we can laugh at.

I feel a bit sorry for Simon Burgess, the Labour party candidate. He seems to have been campaigning for this seat for what feels like an eternity. The man's been putting leaflets through my letterbox for almost as long as I've lived in Brighton. Let's face it, it's already more than two years since I posted a picture of him on a tandem. In comparison, Mr Kirby's been like the invisible man. Although with hair like that, I'd be in hiding too.

Of course, the Labour Party saw that as a deliberate tactic. They put a leaflet through my door last week, claiming that the Conservatives were intentionally avoiding doing any campaigning in Kemptown, in an attempt to fool voters into thinking that Labour had it sewn up. Thereby spreading complacency amongst Labour supporters, and reducing their turnout. At the time I thought that was just paranoia, but having seen the result, and looked at the lack of blue leaflets in my recycling box, I'm beginning to think that Simon Kirby's strategist deserves some kind of medal. Mind you, I suppose it's a tactic that makes a lot of sense. I've always been more popular with people who have never met me.

Personally I'm a one man Lib-Lab pact. I tend to be Lib Dem at heart, but I'm willing to work with Labour if it gets me what I want. And what I mostly want is tree-felling. I let Gordon Brown keep one eye on me, but the moment he's back in the bigotmobile, I'm shaking hands with Nick Clegg. So Kemptown turning blue is a bit of a grey day for me.

But despite my general election disappointments (there are now no Labour MPs in Sussex), there is one person who's succeeded in bringing a bit of sparkle to the election campaign in Brighton. I took Amelie to the polling station last night in her new shoes.