There are many milestones in the life of a small child - the first tooth, the first steps, the first dislocated arm in Lidl - but there are none more momentous than the life-changing experience Amelie went through yesterday: her first visit from the Potty Fairy.

Anyone who knows me and Lisa will be aware that as dedicated and loving parents, we're no strangers to lying. Especially to our daughter. I tell Amelie on a daily basis that I'll play with her later, that we've run out of chocolate, and that Cbeebies shows horse racing on a Saturday afternoon. Not that she ever believes me. In return, she regularly insists that Chloe wants to be carried and isn't struggling, so to be honest (which neither of us are), we're basically quits.

Obviously I don't want to give the impression that the only thing I write about here is our new toilet seat, but the fact remains that having installed the plastic fantastic in the bathroom last week, Amelie no longer needs her potty. And Chloe can probably do without it. Unfortunately the girl's become quite attached to the thing, because it means she can watch Monsters Inc from start to finish without leaving the room for a comfort break. So in an effort to ease the transition from pampered toddler to deprived child, Lisa spent Tuesday evening telling her about the Potty Fairy.

For anyone not familiar with Lisa's blatant lies, the Potty Fairy watches over you when you're little, and when she sees that you're ready to use the big toilet, she visits your house in the middle of the night and takes your potty away for another child to use, leaving you a present in its place.

In reality, of course, your Mum just buys a new toilet seat on eBay, then your Dad goes down to Asda on a Tuesday night, buys you a couple of cheap toys, and wraps your potty in a bin liner before locking it in the storage cupboard downstairs. I'll delete that sentence before Amelie learns to read.

It's a simple concept, but surprisingly effective. Here's Amelie getting up yesterday morning...


Obviously the third present's invisible, but that just goes to show how magical the Potty Fairy is. It's just a shame she couldn't have hoovered while she was there.

Anyhoo, despite the fact that Amelie spent all day yesterday referring to her mystery benefactor as the Fairy Potty, the charade appears to have worked. I'll spare you the photos of her on the toilet, but here she is having "lots and lots of fun" (her words, not mine) out on the balcony with her new bubble machine...


And here she is five minutes later, knocking it off the windowsill...


It was fun while it lasted. Roll on the Tooth Fairy.