Ok, it's time for a quick update on the words and phrases which are bringing people flocking to my website. Every time I get a hit from a search engine, the words searched for are kindly logged for me. Which is how I know that 31% of ALL visitors to my website searched for the words "Jail Babes". But hey, when you're ranked number one out of 170,000 websites on Yahoo for that term (no really, it's true), it's hardly surprising.

The good news though is that I'm also now appealing to both sexes, having just received a hit for "guys in jail suits". I presume they mean those orange American things. They are quite fetching.

In the past three days I've also had...

"He doesn't return my calls".
What? That's not a search, it's a complaint. Are people now using Google as an agony aunt?

"Shaved blondes".
But surely if they're shaved, it's immaterial what their hair colour is? Or am I missing something?

"How is the packaging of Toblerone done?".
I'm ranked #11 on Yahoo for that. And not only do I not know the answer, but I'm not entirely sure I care.

"Poem written in 1990".
What, ANY poem?? Remarkably I appear to be ranked #2 out of 256,000 sites on Yahoo for that one. Is that even possible? Second out of a quarter of a million? I wouldn't mind, but I don't even write poetry. Well, apart from that one in 1990.

And finally...

"Micro Pygmy Hippos".
Another number one ranking on Yahoo! Yes! I knew I could do it.

Incidentally, what are micro pygmy hippos..?