Sixteen months into this blog and I finally have a bona fide scoop, involving two, count them, TWO top tabloid celebrities...

...and the woman on whose chest they sit. Not to mention her musically talented boyfriend. It would be total insania not to reveal the facts of this story here, especially as it means I might have to talk about cleaning my car instead, but sadly I have been banned from revealing the details of this explosive incident in case it leads to the sacking of a dear friend.

Which obviously wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but I'm scared of physical violence and you don't mess with someone who's been trained in the use of fire extinguishers.

So in place of top quality tabloid scandal... sigh...

I've cleaned my car this morning.

I know, even I'm not interested. But hey, don't blame me, I'm not the one with the morals here. I'd happily sell this insider information to the hack with the biggest chequebook quicker than you can say "Rebecca Loos". But what can I do, my hands are tied.

I think it might rain later...