Due to Brighton-lag, not to mention Birthday-lag, I've failed to do anything remotely interesting in the last 24 hours (so no change there then), meaning we have time for a quick round-up of the leading phrases which have lured the general public to my website over the course of my birthday weekend.

It's particularly good to see that I'm helping out English language students, with a hit from Ask Jeeves for the question "Is the word headphones a compound noun?". Personally I'm not sure. But I know that toothpaste is.

I'm also attracting enquiring minds of a different kind, with the question "What goes on inside a massage parlour?". Obviously I wouldn't know. But having successfully lured visitors to two of my plays, I completed the hat-trick with "Where can I buy an 'I hate pigeons' hat?". Which just goes to show the sheer range of subjects I tackle in my writing.

I've also been blessed with:

INFJ 'too sensitive' (that's me)

sausage fingers (that's not)

A7 Bm F#m (I'll name that tune in one)

'father knows beaver' (I'm proud to be one of only two sites to feature that phrase)

vivid porn autumn (what?)

'Scillonian Entertainers' (I owe them everything)

and...

Basildon Nazi (for the record, I'm not one. But I could probably point you in the direction of a few people who are)

I'm off now to buy some Marks & Spencer Sausage Fingers. I'm sure Lisa can bung them in the oven for me.