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Friday, September 16, 2005

Well the latest twist in the 'Hotel On Sea' are-they-real-people-or-androids-from-the-factory-that-made-Julie-Reinger saga, is that after last night's fine edition of the BBC1 comi-doc (which I missed), I had a visit over yonder from close friend of the stars, Tim, who said this.

So there you go. "Everything was real although some scenes were staged". I'm glad we've finally cleared that one up.

Anyhoo, I've been meaning to mention for the last few days The Great iPod Scandal of 2005 (the scandal being that I haven't got one), otherwise known as Especially as I see that Donna has already outlined her plans for world domination via the acquisition of iPods.

Well I hate to rain on Donna's parade (not strictly true, but I'm being polite), but I've been there, done that, got the phone bill. And I've decided the whole thing is a fix, and possibly even a high-level conspiracy to stop me getting my hands on luxury goods.

I was quite excited when they launched this competition, because it just so happens that I know someone who gets through more crisps than a school of eight-year-olds at lunchtime (no names, but think four letters, beginning with L), so I was fully expecting to have at least six iPods by the end of the month.

Tragically however, despite my cunning plan to keep Lisa talking (and eating) until 3:30am so that I could text in my codes at the quietest time, my first attempt at iPod acquisition (3 entries at 3:35am) proved fruitless. I wasn't happy.

I cheered up though when I read the small print on the back of the pack, and found that you don't actually have to buy any crisps at all. If you visit (NPN stands for 'no purchase necessary') you can have as many codes as you like, free of charge. Personally I ordered six in two minutes.

So I was naturally delighted last Sunday night, when I had trouble sleeping. Ordinarily insomnia would be a pain in the rear, but this month it's a blessing in disguise. At least I thought so. Having texted in NINE codes between 1:20am and 5:15am, and received nine text messages back saying "Sorry, you haven't won this time", I was beginning to change my mind.

So like I say, it's all a fix, and I'm not happy.

But hey, who needs an iPod. I'm off to put the rent money on Ice Planet in the 2:30 at Ayr.

No, really.