When I said the death and destruction of all that is sacred, this isn't quite what I meant.
But obviously I'm very grateful to Oscar for presenting it to me as a peace offering after the shameless soiling of my footwear. He's clearly very sorry. But not as sorry as I'd have been if I hadn't managed to perform a last-second manouevre and narrowly avoid treading on the bleeding corpse of this sparrow as I stepped out of the front door to go and pick up Lisa yesterday afternoon. But for the second time in two days I was grateful for that kitchen roll. A quick mummification in Bounty and it was straight into the wheelie bin. Which makes me think of Sarah Davey and the passed-on pensioner, but I won't go there. Suffice it to say that both cases involved a dead bird in a bin, but I didn't push mine through a supermarket car park.
Anyhoo, having disposed of my first corpse of the day, I made my way into Brighton and headed straight for the seafront where, naturally, I completely failed in my bid to become famous. I was however invited to a fringe meeting of the Labour Life Group where I can hear Claire Curtis-Thomas MP speak on the subject of 'Abortion- Whose Choice?'. I've read their leaflet, snappily entitled 'Treaties & Resolutions', and frankly I still can't work out if they're for or against it. I should pobably go to the meeting and find out.
But anyway, I timed my loitering to perfection, arriving ten minutes before Tony Blair finished his speech, and having watched the delegates pour out of the Brighton Centre at 3:25pm, I quickly attached myself to a bloke with a microphone and a camera crew, who was busy rounding up a few protesters (like me) for a live report back to the studio. I'm not sure which studio, but it was TV, so frankly I didn't care.
Unfortunately, despite hanging about for twenty minutes posing as a Gordon Brown supporter protesting about the invasion of Iraq, with a sub-agenda about hospital cuts, the studio still weren't ready to cross over to me live, and I was forced to go and meet Lisa from work. It was something of a tragedy. Particularly as I never got to perform my song. But hey, there's always tomorrow.