Back on May 1st this year, for reasons I can't quite put my finger on, I decided to sign up for the BBC's Breaking News Alert e-mail service, which promised to contact me the moment anything of earth-shattering international importance occurred, so that I can impress my friends with my up-to-the-minute knowledge of critical world events.

I knew that was a mistake when I received my first breaking news story at 3:38pm the following day:

KEY MINISTER URGES OLMERT TO QUIT
Israel's Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni says she urged Prime Minister Ehud Olmert to resign over a critical report on the 2006 Lebanon war.

When they said 'major breaking news stories', I was thinking more along the lines of 'GEORGE W BUSH ASSASSINATED', not a 'he said she said' rumour about two people I've never heard of and can't pronounce.

But having endured a month of pointless e-mails about trivial events, the BBC have finally sent me some genuinely important breaking news this morning which sent me rushing straight to the Reuters newswires for more info:

BIG BROTHER'S EMILY KICKED OUT
Big Brother contestant Emily Parr has been removed from the house after using a racially offensive word, Channel 4 says.

Apparently they came for her in the middle of the night (3:30am), possibly with flaming torches and pointy hoods on their heads (or possibly not), and according to a spokeswoman for Channel 4, Emily was removed because "such behaviour won't be tolerated". What she meant of course is that "such behaviour won't be tolerated AGAIN". Not since the Ofcom ruling two weeks ago.

I'm hoping the victim of her racist slur was the Jewish Ziggy, then we might get to hear Tzipi Livni's views on the subject.