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Monday, June 04, 2007

It's alright, my wisdom's still intact until 2pm this afternoon...

I mentioned three months ago that at my 13-Week Review, the Jobcentre decided to relieve me of the responsibility to look for work as a Shelf Filler. I've now found out why. It's because I'm not qualified for the job.

I came across an advert on the Jobcentre website last night for a 'Replenisher' (where do they find these words?) with British Home Stores. They need someone to work evenings after the store's closed, and state that "Duties will involve replenishing the shop floor and storing stock in the stock room". It's basically a shelf stacker for BHS. Unfortunately, replenishing is clearly challenging work, and they wouldn't trust the likes of me with their coat-hangers, because...

"Experience in a similar role is essential."

Ironically however, my lack of shelf-filling experience may be irrelevant. Lisa met a friend of hers on Saturday who works in Human Resources, and who told her that anti-discrimination laws or no anti-discrimination laws, she would never employ someone who admits to having had a health issue, regardless of it being resolved, because of the fear that they'd take more time off sick than the average worker. She's advised me to start lying and say I've been caring for a sick relative since the mid nineties. Or maybe it was a sick relative in their mid-nineties..? To be honest I wasn't really listening. My concentration hasn't been the same since I had a health issue.

Anyhoo, that might explain why I've heard nothing whatsoever from the hospital in response to my application for just one of three jobs they had going, all of which I could do standing on my head. And possibly standing on my feet. Not that I'm letting it get me down. After all, I'm going to be a postman.

But that aside, I went for a walk yesterday afternoon. I made two important decisions before leaving: 1. Not to take my camera, and 2. Not to wear my Bart Simpson baseball cap. That was despite standing in the hall at one point with the camera in my hand and the cap on my head. Needless to say, having left my camera at home, the walk immediately turned into an endless string of photo opportunities, and the lack of a cap stopped me getting on TV.

It turned out that Sky Television were down on the seafront with a sofa, filming trailers for the new series of The Simpsons on Sky One, and looking for suitable passers-by (people with Bart Simpson baseball caps for example) to sit on the sofa and talk about their love of all things yellow. I loitered for a bit, but they didn't seem interested in me. D'oh.

Fortunately things picked up, however, as I continued into town and encountered a couple of 'promotions girls' (which is a profession I wouldn't know existed if it wasn't for TV reality shows) handing out free packets of Mars Planets. I took one, ate them, considered going back for more, then decided that for the good of my health I should avoid that area and go to Woolworths instead, before taking a different route home. Which I did. Only to meet another two promo girls, and have a second packet thrust into my hand. I considered taking them home for Lisa, then realised they'd only melt in the sun (although they really ought to revolve around it), so ate them as well. My daily exercise would be a lot more beneficial if people didn't keep giving me chocolate.

On the fiddle.But anyhoo, having encountered a Jimi Hendrix lookalike playing the guitar outside Barnardos, I then made my way down North Street and found a violinist on a tight-rope outside Lloyds TSB...

... as this rubbish mobile phone shot completely fails to prove. With impeccable timing, I managed to capture him during the only five seconds of his act in which he wasn't playing the violin.

Right, well it's 1:30pm and the dentist is imminent, so I've got to go and eat chocolate biscuits for the good of my health...