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Monday, September 03, 2007

TacheBack 2007Having spent all day Saturday listening to chants of "Go Jesus!" and "You've got a bi-plane on your face!" (which is sung to the tune of 'He's Got the Whole World in His Hands'), I've been inspired. So after reading the leaflet handed to me in the foyer of the Brighton Centre by the organisers of TacheBack 2007, I've decided to take the hairy plunge and grow a moustache.

Obviously that's not a very sane thing to do, so I'm doing it for charity. And what's more, you (yes, you) can sponsor me by clicking here. I'm aiming to beat the total raised by my old friend John M (named and shamed) who, during the great Kingswood Junior School Sponsored Walk of 1981, managed to secure a grand total of 11p in sponsorship money. As our teacher Miss Garrett said to him, "Every little helps". But obviously not that little.

Anyhoo, I'm confident I can more than double John's total. The idea is to grow a moustache throughout the month of September, with all money going to the Everyman Campaign to fund research into prostate and testicular cancer. Anyone who's read this blog over the last few weeks will know that my prostate is very close to my heart (which is probably part of the problem), so I'm hoping to personally fund a plush new waiting room at Prostate Plaza, so that when my current antibiotics fail to work, I'll be able to relax in comfort while I'm waiting to see the urologist.

Fortunately the money is already pouring in. My cat has donated £1 out of her tuna fund (she'll be on Tesco Value this month), while both Lisa and her Mum have pledged a fiver. That might give the impression that they're five times richer than my cat, but in reality they both have nothing. Lisa also attached an important caveat to her donation, which was "I'm only giving you this money on condition that if you look ridiculous, you shave it off". She then added that charity begins at home, and she's not being seen with me in public until October. Which is a problem as we're going to see Joseph in the West End on September 29th, by which time I could look like Fu Manchu. Frankly I think she's already having second thoughts about going to Asda with me tonight. I feel like the Elephant Man.

Anyway, special thanks must go to my parents, who either have more money than sense, or haven't told me that their premium bonds came up on Saturday. They were happy to support me on the grounds that they live a hundred miles away, and nobody's likely to connect them with a Tom Selleck lookalike in Brighton.

I'm aiming to personally cure cancer by the end of the month, so do please sponsor me. Looking this stupid has got to be worth something.