Sometimes I wish I hadn't lost weight. It's clearly freezing me out of the job market. Mind you, when they say "immediate start", I think they're being a bit optimistic. Surely anyone who weighs 7.5 tonnes is going to struggle to do anything quickly. At the very least you need time to plug in the electric hoist and grease up the door frame.

But I'm not bothered about missing out on the fat controller job, because there's always this one from the same page of yesterday's Argus...

Are they allowed to make curiosity mandatory? Surely that discriminates against people with unenquiring minds. Or people who know it all already. Either way I'm in trouble. The advert's very brief so I've no idea what the job involves and unfortunately I'm not inquisitive enough to find out, but personally I wouldn't want a position which endangers so many cats' lives on a daily basis. I already buy Chloe's food from Lidl, so I don't need to use curiosity to kill her.

Anyhoo, while I'm leading a dull life searching through the situations vacant and wondering if I'd have more luck if I printed my CV on a £50 note, I've had an e-mail from Big Sis in Australia, who's put down her school books long enough to say this:

"I drove thru' a tunnel of fire (aka a bush fire) yesterday and today boated thru' masses and masses of crocodiles."

And I thought she was meant to be studying. Still at least she can say the croc ate her homework.