It's me and Lisa in a pub beer garden!


Sorry, I mean a classy wedding venue. We both look so happy. You'd never guess what pain and torment lies behind those smiles. It wasn't easy finding a tie to co-ordinate with her dress.

Anyhoo, when she wasn't at the Brighton Centre wondering why all the ladies toilets had been turned into beard preening facilities, Lisa spent the weekend at a viewing of the official photographs of the wedding we went to in July. And she came away with the above picture, courtesy of the Scene of Crime Officers professional photographers who captured the event. The happy couple paid good money to have that printed (or possibly they just promised to type up some forensic evidence for free), so I've put it straight into a frame and given it pride of place next to my cuddly beaver on top of the stereo.

Sadly I didn't actually have a spare frame, which means my photo of Big Sis standing on a balcony in Alaska at 1am trying to attract bears with a picnic basket, is now lying in a drawer somewhere. She'll have to wait until I can get back to the Pound Shop.

All that aside, I shaved off the rest of my beard yesterday afternoon, leaving just my three-day-old moustache, and I'm pleased to say that I do indeed look ridiculous. I'm a bit like Ian Beale circa 1995, but without the respect of my community, so I've just signed the petition to bring back his moustache in the hope of making myself look less stupid.

I was also reading this article on The Sun website, and I have just one question...

Look at the photo of John and Joan. Are they really wearing sunglasses, or have The Sun added them digitally as part of some kind of word-association advertising ploy? I'm convinced they're not real...