Estate agents and the homeless will no doubt remember that back in March, the flat below me was put up for sale. Faux fireplaces with wood effect surrounds obviously don't come cheap, so the asking price was a very reasonable £200,000. Of course that was two weeks before I started my job, and I was in all the time, boosting property prices with my very presence. Things have changed a lot since then, so naturally the place hasn't sold.

But undeterred, the owners have changed tack, not by reducing the asking price (that would be ridiculous), but by entering the rental market instead. Yes indeed, you can now spend thirty days under my floorboards in return for just £750. Yes, £750. Fortunately I earn more than that every month, which is how I can afford to live here.

Interestingly, they don't mention that it's a basement flat, and don't mention that the courtyard's communal. But hey, if you're not going to mention that the courtyard's actually a wheelie bin area, I suppose anything goes.

The important thing though, is that I've identified the local feature which has sent rental prices through the roof. And here it is...


Despite being snapped in two back in April, the tree outside my flat has miraculously come back to life! It's like Lazarus, but with documentary evidence. And as you can see, I park right next to the thing, so I'm personally claiming all the credit. It obviously sucked all the nutrients out of the dirt on my car.

Anyhoo, today's Derby day, and I've backed New Approach to win at 13/2 and Doctor Fremantle (10/1) and Kandahar Run (18/1) each-way, so by 4:15 this afternoon I'll either have the money to move downstairs, or I'll be evicted for non-payment of rent.