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Sunday, June 29, 2008

I know what I want for my birthday...

Is that Frank Bough?
"Before, during and after a meal". So that would be all the time then. And is it my imagination, or is that bloke's head too big for his body? Personally I think they're just trying to shift a load of unsold pedestal mats.

Anyhoo, that advert comes from the 'UK Bright Life' catalogue, which I found inside my copy of What's On TV yesterday afternoon. Frankly it's the most entertaining thing in there. It's like a cross between Private Eye and Mad Magazine. They sell Invisible Sheath Urinals and Professional Callous Removers next to 65 Piece 3D Model Battleships and Miniature Samurai Letter Opening Sets. Then there's the 60 Piece Paintbrush Set (because 59 paintbrushes is never enough), and the 8" Lion Knife. Personally I'd want more than an 8" knife before I take on a lion, but each to their own.

Anyway, when I'm not handing over my credit card details for some of life's essentials, I'm busy mixing with Brighton's educational elite. Lisa and I attended the birthday party of her friend 'L' last night. He's the drug-taking, street-drinking gay primary school teacher who stole my jacket. But I've grown to love him. Unfortunately the 'party' mainly involved sitting on the arm of a sofa in a cramped living room for two hours with a load of people who wanted to talk about Key Stage 1 whilst slowly getting drunk. I was tempted to try one of the cannabis cakes just for a bit of escapism, but I didn't want to get hooked on drugs three months before my first child is born. So we left at 10pm and went to McDonalds instead. I'd rather be a porker than a junkie.