Ok, I was wrong. Having watched Lisa throw up into a bucket for most of yesterday evening, I think maybe she does feel more queasy than I do. We're not sure if it's pregnancy-related or just some kind of stomach bug, but according to the weekly Mothercare e-mail I signed up to, Lisa should now be spending as much time as possible on all fours. It's supposed to encourage the baby out of a breech position and into the perfect posture for birth. So the fact that Lisa's currently bent over the toilet on her hands and knees is actually a good thing.

On the downside, I'm naturally concerned that if Lisa can't keep down her regular diet of Frazzles, Wotsits and Starburst, then the baby might not be getting her full complement of E-numbers, and could be born with some kind of deficiency. So in an effort to help, I spent half an hour last night leafing through the 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' book, looking for advice on vomit. Unfortunately I'm easily distracted, so having flicked past the bit on morning sickness, I ended up reading the chapter entitled 'Making Love During Pregnancy'.

Apparently there are a number of problems one might expect to face, of which this is just one:


I'm sorry, but if you're convinced the foetus can see what you're up to, and worried he might bring it up at the dinner table in later life, you really shouldn't be allowed to have children. And besides, everyone knows the only real danger of sex in the third trimester is getting bitten by the baby.