Amelie's realised that the only way to get famous is to look like Chloe...


She's got the fur about right, but to be honest, Chloe never looks that happy.

Personally I've chosen to take an altogether different route to fame. I've decided that the best way to eclipse Chloe in the notoriety stakes would be to mow down a celebrity in my car. It gives whole new meaning to the phrase 'hitting the headlines'. So imagine my delight when I drove back to work after lunch this afternoon, turned left into Cuthbert Road, and came face to face with the star of Grange Hill, Coronation Street and (for one show, before he got voted off) Strictly Come Dancing.

Yes indeed, it was none other than TV's leading serial killer, Brian Capron! I recognised him immediately as he ran across the road in front of me and did his best to end up under the wheels of my car. Mind you, he had a mystery woman with him, so it could have just been another murder attempt.

Anyhoo, the only thing which stopped me ending the life of Brian was the fact that my car accelerates like a snail on valium, and despite putting my foot to the floor, he'd made it safely to the other side by the time I chugged past at 10mph. He moves pretty fast for a man with two left feet. But let's face it, even if I had been responsible for the death of a much-loved actor, I still wouldn't be famous. I can see the headline now:

'CORONATION STREET STAR KILLED BY OWNER OF SOGGY MOGGY'.