If there's one thing people have always said about me, it's that I bear an uncanny resemblence to Carol Smillie. Not so much in the looks department, but more in my ability to walk into other people's houses with a smile on my face, and throw out most of their stuff without permission.

Lisa's Mum is currently away for the weekend, so Lisa and I decided to take the opportunity to escape Amelie for a few hours by inviting my Mum to come over and spend Friday night with our daughter while we occupied the vacant flat up the road. Fortunately she agreed. You've never seen two people pack an overnight bag so quickly.

Anyhoo, we had a nice rest, although I must admit it felt odd going to sleep without heavy-duty earplugs and a pillow over my head. But in the morning, as I stole my future mother-in-law's Weetabix, and rummaged around in her biscuit tin for another Kit-Kat, I started to think about what I could do for her. The most obvious thing would have been to go shopping and replace all the food I'd eaten, but I decided she'd be far happier with a new bath mat and shower curtain.

So while Lisa relieved my Mum of babycare duties, I headed off to Lidl (I'm not proud), bought up half their cleaning supplies, and spent the afternoon giving Lisa's Mum's bathroom a makeover. Three hours, a lot of scrubbing and a whole bottle of Cillit Bang later, the place looked like a Dolphin showroom, and I'd managed to break my mother-in-law's kettle. Obviously it wasn't my fault. It's actually not that easy to descale a kettle without ending up with smoke coming out of the on/off switch. It's a well known fact.

So a quick trip to Asda in the evening, and Lisa's Mum now has a shiny new kettle. I won't tell her about the old one. I'll just let her think of it as a generous gift. Frankly it's the least I can do. It's not so much that I'm incredibly selfless, it's more that I'm hoping she'll remember me in her will. Obviously she'd need to win the lottery before there'd be any point her even making a will, but with the amount of money she spends on scratchcards, it's only a matter of time.

But makeovers aside, tonight is, of course, Oscar night. And I'm not talking about my dead cat. Back in 2004 I successfully published my predictions for the main awards, before repeating the trick in 2005, and again in 2006, and astonishingly I've got them all right every year (don't bother clicking on those links). So I took a break in 2007 and 2008, partly to give other forecasters a chance, but mainly because I forgot the Oscars were on.

But after a two year sabbatical, I think it's about time I got back on the horse. So for the first time since 2006...



PHIL PREDICTS THE OSCARS 2009


I feel strangely confident this year.