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Saturday, March 07, 2009

I did my weekly shopping via the internet this week, partly because walking to work had left me too tired to go to Asda, but mainly because spending three hours on the Tesco website looking for washing-up gloves is significantly less stressful than trying to get my car started on a cold evening.

It was an interesting experience, most notably the five minutes I spent at the front door trying to hand back a bag full of Easter Eggs I hadn't ordered, only to go inside and find that Lisa had added them to the list without telling me. But having waved goodbye to the delivery driver, and mouthed my apologies to the huge traffic jam he'd caused by parking in the middle of the road, I inspected my purchases, cursed my personal shopper for substituting everything with products which cost twice as much, and stayed up until 10:30pm putting it all away.

Fortunately, one of the pleasures of internet shopping is the impulse buys you had no intention of getting. I'm now the proud owner of some ridiculously expensive grape juice, which I purchased purely because it was buy-one-get-one-free. And here it is...

Turning water into wine.
It doesn't look that interesting until you read the last line. I think I've unwittingly bought two bottles of communion wine. It even says on the side that it was produced "under the supervision of the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America". I only wanted it to make ice lollies. I might have to say 'Body of Christ' every time I take a bite.

But in other news, I received an e-mail this morning from a student at an American college, letting me know that their English professor is teaching them my micro fiction, and making them all guess the last line to Summer Loving. Bearing in mind that the first time that story was set as an English assignment, it caused an ever-so-slight misunderstanding, I think that's asking for trouble. But my correspondent assured me that not only did they understand the ending, but he even guessed it was about sheep. And people say university students aren't as bright as they used to be.

Anyhoo, talking of very short stories, the breaking news is that I've finally moved into the 21st century (nine years after it started) and joined Twitter. If it's good enough for Stephen Fry, it's good enough for me. Although on that basis, I'd be trying homosexuality too. Which I'm not. So from now on, anyone desperate to know what I'm up to (that's essentially you, Mum) can find out by looking at the column on the right. I'll keep texting in those updates until the bailiffs come round for my phone.