The trouble with Brighton beach at the weekend is that it's crawling with hoodies...


They're roaming around in gangs of two, trying to steal cups of tea. The one disguised as a sheep is particularly menacing.

But anyhoo, my old chum Marie was back in Brighton yesterday for another hen weekend. Frankly if all her friends were spinsters, I'd never see her at all. We were supposed to be meeting up today, but in a last minute change of plan, Marie moved it to yesterday because her house has a leaky roof and she wanted to get home this afternoon before it becomes an indoor swimming pool.

As it turned out, the arrangement worked out well for me. Lisa decided to spend her Saturday afternoon sitting on a bus to Shoreham, so I was in sole charge of Amelie for a few hours. And having already experienced Marie's stellar babysitting skills back in January, I naturally jumped at the chance of outsourcing my childcare responsibilities and having a nap on the seafront.

Anyway, having wandered back and forth between the two piers for half an hour, we eventually found each other, and settled down to a cup of tea at a nearby beach bar. The waiter was obviously trying to tell us something by bringing us Canderel instead of sugar, but despite that, it was all very nice. Marie brought along her friend 'C', who could remember meeting me years ago (I have the kind of face it's hard to forget), and we spent an enjoyable forty-five minutes looking for Amelie's socks, while I attempted to explain how she got the bruise on her forehead, and why her jeans were on back to front. I don't think they'll phone social services, but I'm ignoring the doorbell just in case.