I popped into Taj the Grocer today for some wholemeal macaroni (it doesn't exist apparently), and I saw this...

I looked for some fluorescent lamps and a copy of 'Dr Gillian McKeith's Guide to Cultivating Class B Drugs at Home', but they didn't have either, so I bought a bag of chocolate porridge instead. It should give me more of a high.

Anyhoo, today is Lisa's first ever Mother's Day as a mother. Fortunately Amelie is well aware of the occasion, and showered her with thoughtful and expensive gifts this morning. Frankly I've no idea where she got the money. I had to help her chop off a lock of her own hair to go inside a silver locket she'd bought, mainly because she's not allowed to use scissors unsupervised, but the rest was all her own work. She managed to suck the corner of the card with no help at all.

Lisa seemed quite pleased anyway. I only hope Amelie's as generous on Father's Day.

On the subject of Mothering Sunday, I walked past a restaurant in St James's Street this afternoon, which had this message scrawled on a chalkboard outside:

M U M S E A T F R E E
with 4 paid main courses

So I started wondering how much they normally charge for a seat, and whether one free seat for your mother is really such a good deal. I was a hundred yards down the road before I realised what they meant.

But whilst my brain might not be working properly, the good news is that I'm feeling a lot better now, thanks for asking. A few paracetamol, some decongestants and a bit of bed rest seems to have sorted me out. So it probably wasn't a brain tumour after all. I should be fit enough to get back to work in the morning and start handing out the painkillers to those less fortunate than myself.