It's Lisa in church!

I think there's a man falling over behind her, but don't let that put you off. He's probably been slain in the spirit.

Admittedly Lisa and I aren't often seen in church on a Sunday (unless there's a half decent jumble sale), but we do like a good christening. Unfortunately this wasn't it. I'm not saying the service was dull and overlong, but at one point I thought we'd all died and ended up in purgatory. Frankly, hell would have been a blessed relief.

But anyhoo, yesterday was the baptism of the lovely Leia (pictured here being attacked by a heathen), so with our vast experience as godparents (we recently celebrated two months of spiritual guidance to Lisa's nephews), Lisa and I were naturally the first names down on the guest list. Unfortunately, while Lisa was invited to be Leia's Fairy Godmother, I was officially banned from being a spirit guide by the Church of England, who insisted that I must have been christened myself. Which I haven't. It's my parents' fault for not raising me as a Christian. No wonder I've gone off the rails.

Fortunately Lisa's religious heritage is well documented, and dates back to the age of four, when she was bribed with a Tiny Tears doll in return for stepping up to the font and having her head dunked. As a result she was readily accepted as a godparent. I can't help thinking the selection process is fundamentally flawed, but I didn't like to say anything.

Anyhoo, I don't actually have any photos of Lisa performing her godly duties. It was a bit of a scrum in front of the font, and I couldn't get past this lot...


Frankly I've seen quieter mosh pits. So I sat in the corner with Amelie, who was taking a leaf out of Jonah's book by having a whale of a time in church. She'd quickly realised that anything she said would be echoed throughout the hall, so she spent the service shrieking at the top of her voice and then laughing. As I said to her at the time, "You're the only one excited to be here".

Anyhoo, during the course of our visit, I learnt a couple of interesting things. The first is that The Komedia doesn't have the hardest seats in Brighton after all. And the second is that the church is 850 years old. Which is roughly how I felt by the time we left. If I hadn't been promised pizza and christening cake, I'm not sure I'd have got through it.