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Friday, January 07, 2011

A detective, a policeman and a forensic expert walk into a bar. A breakfast bar. Well, a kitchen worktop. No, it’s not the beginning of a joke, it was the scene yesterday afternoon at our flat.

Personally I was at Horsham Hospital all day, healing the sick and helping the blind to see, using nothing more than a Bisodol tablet and a pair of glasses. But while I was improving the health of the nation, Lisa was at home, helping the police with their enquiries. Having visited all the residents at the weekend, they obviously realised that we’re the classiest people in the block, and the most likely to give them a cup of tea, and saw a window of opportunity. Which happened to be located in our kitchen.

It appears that Flats Plunge Man made his exit via the draining board upstairs, so the police spent some time examining our kitchen windows with a glazed expression, and looking through the evidence. Obviously I wasn’t there to watch the kitchen sink drama unfold, but fortunately I have eye-witness evidence from someone who was. And what’s more, I’ve transcribed it accurately for the court records:

Me: “What happened when the police came round?”

Amelie: “I played my drum.”

Me: “And what did the policeman say?”

Amelie: “Wonderful.”

I hope she doesn’t lie like that under oath.


Phil's Mum said...

I'm sure she was telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Dave said...

Kitchen sink dramas?  I think you're trying to tap into a rich vein of puns, to plug your blog.  I can feel my resistance draining away.  I throw in the (tea-)towel.