It's so important in life to have a family member you can look up to, who can set a good example, act as a role-model, a guide, a teacher, an educator and, above all, a wise mentor who can offer sound and sage advice throughout life's journey, and allow you to fulfil your potential and become an intelligent, responsible and fully rounded human being...


Unfortunately Amelie's got Big Sis. And a cousin who knows the word 'poo'. I'm tempted to stop paying into her university fund now.

Sis was in Sussex this weekend, making enquiries about doing a bit of charity work for Aborigines who can't fly, so she popped around for a couple of hours yesterday to catch up on our news and teach our daughter the sign language of the stupid. It was basically Mr Tumble meets Cheryl Cole for half an hour on the sofa.

When asked where she got that routine, Sis replied "I learnt it when I was sixteen", which gives you a bit of an insight into her teenage years. And makes you wonder how she passed her GCSEs. But still, at least she's not experimenting on guinea pigs.

Anyhoo, Big Sis is now safely back in the care of our parents, with limited access to small children. But our hectic social life continues apace. It might be Sunday morning when the sensible are in bed, and the less sensible at church, but in a decision of unprecedented enthusiasm (mostly for food), we're about to go out for breakfast.

And not just because we've run out of milk.