Having made £150 in the past seven days from my shrewd investments on the equine stockmarket (I really should turn professional), I placed my six bets this afternoon with supreme confidence.

Five losing bets later, and I was contacting the race-fixing enquiry to report some more dodgy results. There's a few more jockeys that need waking up at dawn if you ask me.

But the thing about being £26 down by 3 o'clock in the afternoon, is not to panic. Much. Investment number six duly came in (and I wasn't remotely worried when he was 7th with a furlong to go), meaning I finished the day...

[fanfare please]

... 23p down. Dammit. If I'd just put another 5p on, I'd have made a profit.