Twenty thousand words into my current pap-filled vanity project, and I forced my mother into Ipswich today to act as an accessory to a bit of research which bordered on the illegal at times. Well, it didn't so much border on it, as blatantly run across the checkpoint into Crimeville waving it's arms and shouting. Unless the authorities are reading this, in which case it was all above board and perfectly justified in the name of art. But either way, these things are far easier when you have a respectable middle-aged lady with you to act as a decoy and lookout, so thanks Mum. Though you're hereby banned from talking about today's activities in public, and if you call the cops I'm putting you in a home.

Suffice it to say we visited a number of historic Ipswich locations, took 38 photos, bought some dodgy goods, then visited B&Q where we recreated the scene from 'Shallow Grave' where Ewan McGregor wanders around a DIY store with a shopping trolley, buying various items with which to dispose of a dead body.

Not that my mother's killed anyone. Yet.

But it was a day of fun and laughter. Particularly when my mother, who was acting as chief security camera scout at the time, allowed a guard in a fluorescent jacket to get within ten yards of me when my back was turned in an act of extreme law-breaking. But like a modern day Bonnie & Clyde we managed to avoid arrest, and made it home in one piece without having to exchange gunfire with any local police. Which is always a bonus.

And what's more, we had such a good time that we're going to do it all again tomorrow...