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Saturday, September 11, 2004

Lisa and I have just returned from a momentous first meeting with blog commenter extraordinaire, part-time Nigel Havers campaigner, one-time muse of Janet Street-Porter, and full-time Stefan Dennis fan, Mrs Bruno (who herself admits she chose a ridiculous name there). Well, I say 'first meeting' - I believe she and Lisa may have bumped into each other once or twice in Safeways over the past 35 years, not to mention the occasional Bros concert, but for the Bruno and me, it was a maiden voyage. And may I say, I was not disappointed.

Naturally Lisa and I turned up five minutes late at the Pavilion Tavern in Brighton (not even the lure of their speciality dish - 9 fish fingers in a bap - was enough to get us there on time), to find Mrs Bruno had reserved us a table with built in high-volume speaker, to ensure we missed none of the accompanying music. Which allowed Lisa to play 'Name That Tune' at every available opportunity. To my excitement, Mrs B had arrived laden with gifts for me (nothing for Lisa, obviously), including Polos which had seen Drury Lane, and (prepare to swoon) a photo of Derek Thompson, of Channel Four Racing fame, striding across the paddock at Cheltenham. My efforts to convey the man's identity to Lisa by shouting "Thommo!" and waving my arms around, failed miserably, though she successfully recognised that the accompanying photo of Richard Johnson was a picture of a jockey, by the fact that he was sitting on a horse (Gunther McBride - I've backed him, it's so exciting).

Sadly the photos weren't autographed, but when you've met Tom O'Connor and had him sign your marrow, there's really no point making an effort after that.

Anyhoo, we spent an enjoyable afternoon discussing Knott's Landing, Take the High Road, Married With Children, Neighbours, Eldorado and - yes indeed - Cosmetic Surgery Live. Lisa and I were advised to take more notice of Daniella Westbrook's breasts, and I forgot to mention that the authority to which you complain if your boob job goes wrong is the British Association of Plastic Surgeons - or BAPS.

We moved on to the sexuality of George Michael and Robbie Williams, examined the career of 80s pop starlet Sinitta, and debated the voice-over work of Jesse Birdsall, before reaching a climax with an in-depth discussion of weightloss techniques, as I cleared my plate and finished off Lisa's chips, before starting on the after dinner Polos.

Personally I'm looking forward to the next meeting - Mrs Bruno claimed she couldn't think of any embarrassing stories from Lisa's past, so clearly I need to win her trust before she'll give me the real dirt. She admitted to the existence of a 20 year old photo of Lisa in a blue towelling dress with matching belt though, so I think this new friendship is worth pursuing...