I've just received my copy of Suffolk County Council's fine publication 'About Suffolk', "the newspaper for everyone who lives or works in Suffolk", which boasts on the front page "New design, costs less!". Yes. Though it would cost significantly less not to bother producing it at all. But hey, if you're going to put up Council Tax, you've got to spend it on something.
Excitingly, this edition features a major article on 'The Amplifier Project', a council initiative to train and encourage young people to make a career out of music.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "but nobody from Suffolk has ever made it in the music business? Where are the role models for our musically talented young people? This project is surely doomed from the start? Hold me, Phil, I'm scared." Well worry not, my little ones, Suffolk County Council have thought of this. They've done their research and discovered that the county is actually brimming with popstars of every description, and to allay the fears of any cynics out there, they've helpfully published...
"Role Models for the Amplifier Project - these Suffolk musicians have already proved they have got what it takes to make it in the music business."
Marvellous. Let's have the list then. These people have made it, and they deserve our admiration.
Seymour Glass (24) [what is he, a window cleaner? Sorry, I shouldn't interrupt] from Bury St Edmunds has toured extensively throughout Europe and the UK with his band Miss Black America. They have released five singles and an album - their second album will be released next year.
Aaron Short (23) from Leiston is currently recording his first single. He has appeared on television and radio and regularly performs all over the UK.
Donna O'Connor [she sounds like a nursery rhyme character] (29) from Ipswich is a press Officer with New Century Media Records.
Kirsten Gundersen (21) from Bury St Edmunds has been writing her own songs since she was 13 [that's hormones for you], has performed all over the UK and her band Tamel Baby is signed up with the Vanquish Music Group.
Greg McDonald (25) from Bury St Edmunds [it's clearly a hotbed of talent], singer and song-writter [sic] with The Dawn Parade had written 200 songs by the time he was 18.
Rob Littlejohn (29) [getting on a bit] from Ipswich is a producer for BBC Radio 1XTRA.
Ah yes, superstars one and all, and the cream of the musical talent that Suffolk has to offer. Well done Suffolk County Council.
They've obviously never heard of John Peel and The Darkness.