I'm not having much luck at the moment. Having come home a week ago to find my VCR remote control full of water, I've been attempting to get by with a cheap 'one for all' remote which I bought five years ago for about 50p from QD in Ipswich, despite the fact that it doesn't have all the buttons, meaning I can't actually programme the VCR to record anything. I've been attempting a daily ritual to dry out my old remote control, which basically involves shaking it vigorously and swearing quite a lot, and every day I manage to force out enough water to get one more button to start working. Though I still can't rewind, fast forward, or stop a video in less than five minutes without straining my thumb.

So with impeccable timing, I've just knocked my life-saving 'one for all' remote control off the table with my elbow, and watched it smash into a dozen pieces on the floor. Like the six million dollar man, I can rebuild it, but I've just done so and it doesn't work. At this rate I'm going to be forced to get out of my chair if I want to watch a video. Which is frankly outrageous. I've no idea how our forefathers managed.

But on the bright side, the latest issue of the local Community News magazine has just arrived, which always manages to cheer me up. On top of the 'Bandits Agility School' offering "Fun for you and your dog at Shotley Village Hall every Sunday at 2pm", headline news in this issue is:


Which is worth an exclamation mark in anyone's language. Watch out BBC Online, My Shotley is coming up on the rails.

Talking of which, I seem to be making a good living flogging singing lessons to Aqualung fans, since plastering my music pages with adverts...


... and even Lisa gets three admirers a day...


... but as for the reason I set up the website in the first place...


Marvellous. So it's official - people are more interested in Lisa than my plays.

But I can't complain, because let's face it - so am I.