I'm a celebrity, get me out of here...

Whatever happened to airbrushing, that's what I'd like to know? Aren't they supposed to make me look like a size zero? If they're not careful, people will start to think I'm overweight. Obviously it's a well-known fact that the camera adds ten pounds, but I didn't expect it all to be under my chin.

Anyhoo, my fat face aside, the article in today's Argus is a total triumph. Richard Gurner is clearly a man after my own heart. I like to think I can crowbar a good six or seven puns into one paragraph, but Rich goes the extra mile to ensure that everyone's groaning by the end of sentence two. Frankly it's purrfect.

And as if that wasn't enough, Chloe's also starring on the Argus website, where she appears to have sparked a heated debate about censorship. I'll have Shami Chakrabarti on the phone next.

But if this all seems slightly bizarre, try walking past your local supermarket and seeing a dozen copies of your cat peering out from the news-stand by the door. Oh yes indeed, Chloe made the front page...


They're running with 'Hospital Shut After Rat Infestation', and then providing the answer in the form of my cat.

But while I was chatting with my manager this afternoon about the possibility of the pharmacy being fire-bombed by animal rights extremists hell-bent on the liberation of Chloe, things took a slightly unexpected turn. I can't reveal too much for legal reasons, but suffice it to say I've had two news agencies on the phone, one offering coverage in the national press, the other a magazine deal. Frankly Chloe's going global. I'm holding another photo-shoot in tomorrow's lunch hour.

But in the meantime, she's big on American internet TV. No, seriously. Fast-forward to 1:35...

The awesome waterproof supercat wins every time. By next week we'll be in Hollywood.