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Friday, April 30, 2010

The thing about writing a public journal is that life isn't always an endless stream of fun, laughter and bic-bics, and not everything can be illustrated with footage of Amelie telling knock-knock jokes. We've actually had a difficult couple of days. And I haven't even taken any photos.

I could illustrate this post with a tear-jerking video, but I don't really have any sad footage, and I'm not sure that filming The Loneliness of the Long Distance Toddler in black & white really does it...

To be honest, the only sad thing about that video is that I don't think I can sing like that any more.

Not everything that happens in my life gets mentioned on this blog (although it sometimes feels like it), and the most recent event to go under the blogging radar has been the news that Lisa was pregnant with our second child. The important word there being 'was'. Obviously the reason you don't tell anyone for the first twelve weeks is in case anything goes wrong. But when it does, people start to wonder why you haven't blogged for three days. So you end up mentioning it anyway.

The time we spent on cloud nine was brief, but wonderful, full of excited hugs and secret text messages that we'd waited almost a year to be able to send. The trip to the doctor on Tuesday evening was less good. And the resulting referral to the hospital's Early Pregnancy Unit yesterday morning was crushing. By then, I think we knew what the news would be, but it made it no less difficult to take.

Fortunately I work with the kind of lovely people who will let me take three days off with no notice whatsoever, and happily cover my clinics. So at least Lisa and I faced it together. And Amelie smiled through it all. But given the choice, I'd rather be taking the clinics than attending them.

The irony is that we're back in the same position we were in a few weeks ago. And we were very happy then. So we shouldn't feel as sad as we do. But it's surprising how much a few dashed expectations can change the way you feel. On the plus side, our coping mechanism for the past forty-eight hours has been food, which means we're well stocked up on chocolate, cookies and muffins. Frankly Amelie's never been so happy.


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