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Saturday, April 24, 2010

Lisa and Amelie are both out this afternoon. Lisa's meeting a friend down at the marina, but frankly I've no idea where Amelie is. She never tells me anything. So I've been taking the opportunity to get on with a few things at home. The kitchen's now clean, the carpets are hoovered, and Amelie's toys are all neatly tidied away. All of which will last until about two minutes after she gets home.

But whilst in the mood for pointless housekeeping, I was suddenly possessed by the urge to check my Telly Critic e-mails. I wrote that website in 2005 and I haven't added anything to it for more than four years, so I must admit I don't quite manage to check those e-mails every day. I think the last time was in 2008.

It's a shame, because I've had some interesting communications over the years. I've heard from drunk reality TV stars, I've been asked to produce some Media Studies coursework, and even write an opinion piece on gorillas for Sky News. But after being kicked off national radio by Take That's singing teacher, I started checking my e-mails less frequently.

You know, it's only when I click on those four links that I realise what an odd life I've been leading for the past few years. It's a miracle I'm not in therapy. But I digress...

The good news is that having checked my Telly Critic e-mails this afternoon, I can confirm that the students of Britain still have nothing better to do than ask me to write their theses for them. Take this one for example...

"I am a student at Northampton University, currently doing a presentation where we have to compare and contrast any one national television programme with any one international programme from the same genre. We have chosen to do 'The Hills' and 'Living on the Edge' and we would very much appreciate your expert opinion on this subject as to help us with our work. One of the areas that we are looking at is the idea of quality TV versus trash TV within the shows and would like your opinion on this matter. Any insight and information that you can give would be much appreciated".

Personally I've never heard of 'The Hills' or 'Living on the Edge', but I presume they're fly-on-the-wall documentaries about the respective home lives of Faith Hill and U2. She did say they're in the same genre. I'm tempted to reply and ask if anyone at university does maths or physics any more, but sadly there's no time because my fame has now spread to America, and I'm starting to get e-mails from New Jersey...

"I am Journalism major at Rowan University in NJ. I have a project I have to do for one of my Journalism classes where I have to interview people for a trend feature I am doing and was wondering whether you could help me out.

My feature is on how people are finding new ways of viewing their favorite television shows (YouYube, Hulu, iTunes, TIVO, etc..) and how the idea of appointment television may be dead.

I was wondering whether you would be interested in answering a few short questions by email on this subject. I came across your website,, and I thought you may have some good things to say. Please get back to me if you are interested, it would be very helpful."

I bet it would be. You might get away with doing no work whatsoever.

Anyhoo, I hate to crunch his Hulu hopes, but I don't really have time to reply. I'm a busy man, and Britain's Got Talent is on at exactly 8pm tonight. I am, however, tempted to suggest that he calls his feature 'No Appointment Necessary'.

But as if the UK and USA aren't enough, I've also had one from Australia. This comes courtesy of Renegade Films, a film and TV production company based in Melbourne...

"I'm hoping to find out whether there have been any programs done concerning transforming a persons exterior that you know of?? Eg, along the lines of 'Skin Deep', the Anita Roddick one.

Any help/leads would be much appreciated."

Frankly a programme transforming the exterior of Anita Roddick is going to have its work cut out. The woman's been dead for more than two years. They really would need a Body Shop to get that one off the ground.