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Monday, February 21, 2011

Kissable FrogHaving demonstrated a bit of anty capitalism by purchasing a stuffed insect on Saturday, I forgot to mention that I also bought a frog. It didn't stick in my throat as much as the ant.

It's actually a wooden height chart for children, although it would work just as well with midgets, and it was 50p in the same charity shop. So even as firewood, it represented good value for money. It felt like a half-price sale at the pound shop.

When I examined it yesterday, however, I noticed the printed signature of 'Bartolucci' on the back, and the words 'Made in Italy'. Which was a surprise, as it reminded me more of the French.

A quick search on the internet revealed that far from being the kind of mass-produced Chinese import I usually buy for Amelie, it was, in fact, hand-made in The Marches of central Italy by these swarthy looking master-craftspeople...

It's like the Mafia have branched out into woodwork.

The Bartolucci website describes their carpentry skills thus:

"Starting from the wood, natural element present from so long time in the human life and from the carvers tradition of this region, the company Bartolucci is born with the intention to propose in modern and creative key wood creations."

Which is the kind of creative use of language you'd expect from artisans. It also means that if I kiss my frog and put it on eBay, I could buy a handsome Prince album.

But unfortunately Amelie likes it, so my money-making ambitions have gone to the wall. Quite literally. I was forced to put it up yesterday. It's now in pride of place in Amelie's bedroom, and having persuaded her to stand still long enough to let me measure her, I can exclusively reveal that she's exactly 97cm tall. Which technically makes her a freak.

I've looked up the World Health Organisation Child Growth Standards, and apparently a girl her age (2 years and 4 months) should be about 89cm. She's virtually off the scale, and in the top 2% of all toddlers.

Admittedly, both Lisa and I are the tallest members of our respective families, but to be honest we both grew up amongst pygmies, so it's a bit like being the best singer in the Spice Girls. Which makes me wonder where Amelie's got such lofty ambitions. If I find out our milkman plays basketball, there'll be trouble.


Dave said...

I expect your sister would have been taller if she didn't have that back problem.

Anonymous said...

Hang on Hang on.  I've had two italian motorbikes, and indeed my third, the beautiful Aprilia V twin, is outside my house right now.  What the pasta are these people doing making Harley clones in wood?  There are great Italian bikes to be made in wood.  And they'd rust less than the real thing!

Burn it Phil.  In protest.  The worlds in turmoil, take a stand. Or a measuring stick.

Yours flambastically, BS6

PS You still have milkmen in Brighton??

jon the bassist said...

Quite frankly Phil you would just be crying over spilt milk IF you did find out that your milkman plays basketball.

jon the bassist said...

<p><span>I believe that Pete Best Spice was the best, and historically overlooked member of the Spice Girls. Do I win?</span></p>

Phil said...

Not after I get my hands on him.

I've never ridden an Italian motorbike, but I presume they'd be good at getting round spaghetti junction.

Phil said...

You win a free packet of Ringos and the right to bang your own drum.

Phil said...

You're probably right. And violence solves nothing. I don't want to be charged with fromage affray.

Beckie said...

Wish I hadn't checked WHO, my son Arthur is a shorty (76 cm at 16 months).

Phil said...

I think Amelie was that length at birth.

A Passer-by said...

A few hours on the rack might help!