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Sunday, February 20, 2011

Lisa went out with a friend yesterday evening, so with no one else here to tuck me in, I had to ask Amelie to read me a bedtime story...

I'm with her on the final sentiment. Books are all very well, but you can't beat the terrorvision. Especially for horror stories. I showed her that video this morning, and she immediately said "No! Not the end!". She thought the scrolling words were the closing credits.

Admittedly, Amelie's ability to read complex sentences is probably about as genuine as Clever Hans' arithmetic skills, but for someone who was living inside Lisa just a couple of years ago, she's not doing badly. If I could quote books that accurately, I might not have flunked my English Lit exams.

On the subject of terrorvision, if you've ever wondered what Ant & Dec get up to when they're not on our screens, here's your answer...

Ant & DecIt's basically just endless pyjama days and nail-biting moments wondering if Saturday Night Takeaway's going to be recommissioned.

Well ok, I tell a lie. That's actually Amelie watching TV with a giant stuffed insect. It's been a common sight around here since yesterday.

It all started halfway through the morning when Lisa decided to make golden syrup biscuits. As anyone familiar with her cooking skills will know, that seemed likely to lead to a sticky situation, so as Amelie's not keen on the smoke alarm, she and I opted to go out. We ended up at an ant establishment rally in Peacehaven. Or the Sussex Lantern charity shop, as it's also known. They had a variety of cute cuddly toys, from sweet little bears and fluffy yellow chicks, to floppy bunnies holding flowers. Amelie chose the massive creepy-crawly. I can think of better ways to donate a pound to charity.

The cats pyjamas, however, are the bee's knees. We bought them in the Co-op for five quid. Although we almost got them free. Having put them in our trolley alongside Lisa's biscuit-making supplies, we were told at the checkout that clothing items have to be paid for in the clothing department. The girl had already scanned the rest of our shopping by then, so she gave me the pyjamas to put back in my trolley, and told me to walk all the way along to the exit, then re-enter the store, make my way to the clothing section, and pay for them there.

So I headed for the exit with a load of shopping I'd paid for, and a pair of pyjamas I hadn't. They were hidden at the bottom of the trolley. Frankly only a fool would have gone back in to pay for them.

Unfortunately I am such a fool. Sometimes I annoy myself with my own honesty.


Dave said...

'ant establishment rally'.  One of your better puns.  Was it held in Beetle Drive?

Jon the Bassist said...

Can I have a go?
Was that rally against the Axis of Weevils?

Phil said...

You're starting to bug me now.

Phil's Mum said...

When did you say she's taking GCSEs?