The highlight of yesterday's all-American slice of holidaymaking fun (apart from discovering a TV channel which shows Jerry Springer all day) was a trip to the local Wal-Mart. Big Sis, who's become quite attached to the idea of dropping us off places in an effort to get rid of us for the evening, suggested the place, presumeably because she's run out of vouchers for free squid.
We'd previously been threatened with violence if we bought any more food without first eating the vast supplies we'd already filled Sis's kitchen with, so in an act of supreme self-sacrifice, I made sure I ate nine frozen 'Bagel Bites' for lunch, and had an extra helping of ice cream. It was the least I could do.
When Sis returned from work, we hit the Wal. Naturally we'd promised not to buy more food, but Sis had asked us to get her some bottled water, and the thing about water is that it's in the food section. Very close to the Chocolate Turtle Bites. So frankly she only had herself to blame.
We soon moved on to clothes, with Lisa forcing me to try on a pair of $9 trousers against my will. I also browsed the Homer Simpson pyjamas, before deciding I was hungry and insisting we go to Domino's Pizza. A quick jaunt across the car park (high crime areas hold no fear for us these days), and we were there.
Having walked in and begun a debate on toppings, the man behind the counter looked me up and down, leaned in close, and whispered "I can probably do it for you for less than the price it says there". I thanked him, we chose a $12.99 pizza, and he charged us $9.99. It was much like my experience in a Hove charity shop a couple of months ago when the woman refused to accept my £4 for a denim jacket and only charged me £3.
Talking of which, here's Lisa wearing that jacket at the top of the Reunion Tower...
You're right, she does only have one leg. Which is why I lent her my jacket.
(Is it my imagination, or is this blog becoming a bit Lisa-heavy?)
Anyhoo, it's nice to know that on both sides of the Atlantic, people take one look at me and assume I have no money.
Pizza eaten, we returned to Wal-Mart with a trolley (for Sis's water, obviously), loaded it up with food, and headed for the slimming pills aisle. Twenty minutes later Lisa had to physically drag me away before I completely cleared the shelves of miracle products. They even had bull's testicles in tablet form. But I'd run out of money by then.
We also considered buying a stetson for Crash n Donna, but the asking price of $25 was a bit outside our budget. We're going to a 'Dollar Store' this afternoon though, so there's every chance.
We eventually left Wal-Mart at 10:45pm, leading Big Sis to wonder aloud (tactlessly, in my opinion) how any sane couple could possibly spend so long in there.
I think she's just annoyed coz I won't share my Turtle Bites.