Subscribe: Subscribe to me on YouTube

Thursday, March 29, 2007

I always thought grooming on the internet was illegal, but I found this on the Jobcentre website last night...

Internet Grooming
I had no idea you had to study at college for three years just to groom a cat. I've been dangerously underqualified all this time. No wonder I keep cutting off her whiskers.

But that aside, the winners of the Radio 4 writing competition were indeed announced last night. Needless to say it was another travesty. My two entries (which can be examined here) somehow failed to make the top three, which featured a lame joke about a Front Row presenter in third place, and a wordy winning entry which was described by judge Kate Mosse (who's dating Pete Dochertee) as "clever", "fantastic" and "what magic realism is all about".

My personal favourite though was the story in second place. Well I say story. It's more of a paragraph if you ask me. But here it is, as transcribed by Lisa, who's a trained audio typist, and only needed me to stop the tape about twelve times for her to get it all down. It's by Ann Lesley Mitchell, and is called simply 'Homeless'...

The café opens at five, though the scrum starts well before that. Twenty odd waifs and strays all vying to be first through the door to a welcome from someone who knows. No organic posh nosh experiments here, just a bacon sarnie with a cuppa or two. A glance through yesterday’s paper and a listen to the music on the radio. A blissful hour of warmth for cold-wracked bodies at a table near the fire before the bell rings and the real clientele begin arriving and the prices rise to greet them. Then back onto the streets for another day of less.

The first thing you'll notice is that it's not much cop. The second is that it's 102 words. I may not know what magic realism is, but at least I can stick to the word count.