I had a letter yesterday from David Van Day, former chart-topper, Asda-shopper, and arch enemy of hamster-faced scouser Sonia, now close personal friend of David Cameron and prospective city councillor for the Nasty Party. To be honest he didn't just write to me, he sent a hand-delivered, personally-addressed card to everyone on the electoral register in East Brighton. That man is desperate for power.
So having plastered the front of the card with a full-sized mugshot of himself (which is enough to put anyone off) he's chosen to take up the rest of the mailing with a personally written letter stating the many good reasons why we should all vote for him. Which would be fine if the man could actually write. Unfortunately the whole thing is so poorly written it's barely coherent, and would be drowned in a sea of red ink if it went within half a mile of a secondary school English teacher. And if you don't believe me, click here.
You'll immediately notice that the man's proud of the fact that he was actually born in East Brighton. And proud of the fact that he can't spell "actually". Or "whose". And doesn't know how to use an apostrophe. But that aside, my favourite bit is this...
Just who are these people encouraging rats by collecting refuges? I'm 100% against domestic violence, but even I feel it should be strictly one person, one refuge. There's no need for people to build up vast collections. It'll only attract vermin. Someone should tell those lefties on the council before it's too late.
[Note: On 21/3/07 I decided to expand the above into an article for The Kemptown Rag. Mainly because I spotted another three spelling mistakes I'd previously missed. So to read the new improved version, complete with gratuitous burger-flipping reference, click here.]
Anyhoo, I have an important Mother's Day outing to Hove dog track to prepare for, but in my absence I've foolishly allowed my Big Sis access to this blog for what may (or may not) become a regular feature over the next few months. So I'd just like to publicly distance myself from the next post. Unless it turns out to be good, in which case I'm right behind her, and taught her everything she knows.