Ok, this is getting slightly ridiculous now. On Saturday I sent off my application for the job at Brighton Sea Life Centre which, according to the job description, consisted entirely of "giving talks to the public, keeping the centre clean and tidy and helping in other areas". This morning I've received a letter back from Georgina Tunbridge, Front of House Manager, informing me that "after very careful consideration" they regret that my "qualifications and experience do not fit the profile for this position as accurately as the other candidates".

You can tell they mean it when they say they've given me "very careful consideration", because the letter's dated Monday, meaning they managed to turn me down the same day they got my CV. That's what I call efficiency. You can't hang about when you've got turtles to feed.

Interestingly, Georgina's impatience to get back to me a full two weeks before the closing date for the job, led her to spell my name wrong a total of three times and use the word 'process' when she meant 'proceed'. But I can forgive her that. It can't be easy having to tell someone they don't have the qualifications or experience to sweep your floors for minimum wage. I expect the pressure got to her.

So Lewes District Council don't trust me to clean their fort, the Argus don't want me to write for them, Cats Protection can do without my copywriting skills, and the Sea Life Centre aren't prepared to part with £5.35 an hour to let me near their fish.

It reminds me of my favourite episode of The Simpsons where Homer gets screwed over by a plumber, after which his chair breaks, prompting him to add them both to a lengthy piece of paper headed 'Homer's Revenge List'. I'm beginning to know how he felt. Of course, in that episode Homer resolves the situation by joining the Masons. Unfortunately, the way things are going, I don't think they'd have me.