Right everyone, it's February 29th, and you all know what that means - you can propose to me. I'm expecting a big response this time around. Inexplicably, I didn't receive a single offer of marriage on this day four years ago, but despite having gone bald and grey in the new millennium (which I'm sure was something to do with the Y2K bug), I'm confident of a different outcome this time. After all, I now have my own website, and everyone knows that if there's one type of guy that all the girls go for, it's the internet geek with a page about his mental health problems.

So if you could all form an orderly queue and be patient, I'll try and sift through the offers and make a decision by the end of the day. Thanks.